Ramblings About My Life..

SSC - Scourge Of Phase 1A-ians!

My SSC is the culmination of an effort spanning eight weeks since it was assigned to us hapless Phase 1A-ians in what seemed like an eternity ago - tonnes of research, writing, referencing, reading and editing. Well, actually, it isn't. My SSC is actually the culmination of four weeks of planning, two weeks of procrastinating and slightly over a week of writing liberally interspersed with swearing, writer's block, hair-pulling, spacing out and nail-peeling. Is it any wonder why I love my SSC so? So many emotions were mixed in a metaphorical cauldron brewing a literary masterpiece that will blow the brain matter out of the examiner marking it - either the aforesaid examiner will get his mind blown due to the thought-provokingness of it or the very crappiness of it all - either way, I pity the examiner. I have a nagging suspicion that it is very more likely to be the latter option, though.

Many of you, no doubt, will be wondering what on tarnation is a SSC? Unless, of course, you happen to be a medical student at the University of Sheffield's School of Medicine. For the uninformed, I shall attempt to elucidate some of the mysteries of the unfathomable plan that is The Great SSC Project (The History of Medicine part, anyway). This programme aims to allow us to develop and nurture out interest in specific fields in medicine by allowing us to choose our own topic from a list of around two hundred titles related to the history of medicine, do research about it, write a 1500-2000 word essay and reference it in the Vancouver Referencing System - sounds pretty fun and easy, right? That's what I thought at first, and I even thought that it would be interesting since I like reading about history! I am ashamed at my naivete. I was young and impressionable. Now I know better. A lot better. SSCs can be explained in a pathological pathway - it's akin to a chronic progressive disease.

The disease SSC has a relatively inoccous starting phase in an individual - symptoms which may appear not too serious are first exhibited in the affected individual. Those include irrational enthusiasm for the library, excitement upon looking at centuries-old books and affinity for medico-jargon. Referencing Syndrome sets in after two weeks or so; and usually happens when searching for sources becomes mind-numbingly boring. It happens after the affected individual discovers that it is virtually impossible to search for journals in the library since there are hundreds of volumes there, and finding a relevant article in a relevant journal would be serendipity unequalled for all Existance. Symptoms include spending long hours at the libraries, locking up oneself in rooms for hours on end, declining invitations to parties and red eyes from staring at the computer monitor for too long.

After that, Abnormal Writing Failure usually occurs. The University is very adamant about plagiarism, or rather, its prevention. We have to be extra-careful not to write out the points in the same fashion as we read them in our articles as we have to submit a copy of our version to an online service that compares your essay with those of your coursemates and every single damned article published in medical journals or books! I can safely assert that nearly everybody's sentence-restructuring skills saw an exponential increase. Usual bouts of procrastination (I'll do it tomorrow...or maybe the day after....or the day after the day after), writer's block (argh dammit I can't bloody think of anything to write!) and the usual distractions (whee going out drinking/clubbing/partying tonight!) are seen in the unfortunate person. If the person survives these bouts, he/she then progresses to Referencingitis.

Referencingitis is characterized by the fact that the people unfortunate enough to have it are usually seen desperately rummaging in the detritus of their bags for a few pieces of paper stapled together that is titled "Referencing Skills Workbook For Medical Undergraduates". Other symptoms include spending hours reading the lecture notes about referencing, hair-pulling (usually happens after the individual discovers that the lecture notes on referencing are useless) and an unusual affinity for Dr Burton, the Phase 1A coordinator. Unlike the above two progressions for SSC, Referencingitis can be easily cured by a quick visit to Minerva, the Medical School's web portal, where the great mysteries of referencing are explained in detail in Dr Burton's SSC FAQ and the Handbook. This phase is usually short, and the individual rapidly progresses to the next in the space of a few days.

Editing Hyperproductivity Disorder is a phase where the individual realizes that he/she has written too much and needs to slash out a bazillion words in order to fit his/her essay below the given word limit, 1500-2000 words, which is pathetically miniscule! Signs observed include the entire deletion of paragraphs, the distaste of the slightest amount of digression, loud and linguistically crude vocalizations, hair-tearing and the occasional bashing of computer displays. There is no direct curative care for this, all caregivers are advised to be as far away as possible from individuals exhibiting these signs as they may be belligerent and irrational - posing undue risk to the medical caregiver. For further information on Risk, please read the delightfully interesting lectures of Medicine and Society - Risk Assessment. Warning - May Induce Stupor and Drowsiness.

Fortunately, SSC usually blows over in the space of eight weeks. This may be due to the fact that in the seventh week of the SSC or so, the brain finally registers that something is wrong and secretes Last-Minute-Panic Stimulating Hormone (LMP-SH) which generates a sudden flurry of activity in the individual leading to supression of the neural blockages contributing to Abnormal Writing Blockage and sudden clearing of the Referencing pathways. The SSC is then removed from the body by selective amnesia and everything, or nearly everything learnt about it is lost forever. The sudden disappearance of SSC in the body leads to general euphoria in the individual, usually leading to secondary characteristics such as alcohol-consumption, whistling, singing happy songs and grinning stupidly.

Despite all the medical advances nowadays, there seems to be no vaccine that is effective to prevent SSCs from manifesting themselves on medical students. Furthermore, there seems to be no cure for SSC once an individual has contracted it - the only way to rid oneself of it is to let the SSC run its course. The most effective care seems to be correct treatment and management of symptoms, which may sound a little depressing - but it's Life. Get used to it.

Disclaimer - this entry has no basis of medical knowledge whatsoever and the author is using it as an outlet to relieve post-SSC trauma. No responsibility will be assumed by the author over any actions taken based on what is written in this entry. THIS IS NOT FACT. Duh.

posted by yong chen @ 11:05 PM